i am going to try and do more online journals, here is my first attempt. i hope you can find a path amidst my wandering thoughts...
These past few months and years have been a time of new beginnings for me. I have moved from the OHIO North Carolina, to Sunny California, finally came out of the closet, did 2 years of voluntary service, started my masters in Marriage and Family Therapy, lived in 3 different houses, started a job at starbucks and finally feel I have found the right place to be right now. I have found myself to be a much more balanced person the past 2 years. Using music to push me and pull in the reigns when need be. Leaving my family back in Ohio and Indiana has been the hardest thing i have ever done. I haven't seen them in nearly a year and it kills me daily, but i have found a family here in Fresno who I love like we are blood. I am learning to let life come as it does and not expect things to be a certain way. I have also found a new spiritual awakening these past few years. My body and soul seem to finally be aligning and that is a very special and powerful feeling. I thank my family, friends, teachers, numerous authors and the musical artists I listen to daily for this awakening.
There are days when I feel helpless and hopeless, and there are days when I could not be happier to be where I am...no matter my feelings, each day i am thankful to be alive and to be in this world. there is so much to live for and i thank the great Spirit for the opportunity to relish in the wonders of this world, in relationships with those i love and those i continually struggle to love and forgive. I am playing music again. Got my guitar out yesterday for the first time in a long while. Denise and i had some folks that are patrons at her work place over last night for dinner and wine. They asked if i would play for them...reluctantly i obliged. thank god i did. i had no idea how much i needed to play. i don't know if i have ever felt so in tune with the music i play as i did last night. i was one with the songs and one with my voice. i felt strong, vulnerable and very alive. it felt right. life feels right.
now i find i've changed my mind.
this is my religion. (Drowned World/Subsitute for Love)
Music relevant:
Carousel, Vanessa Carlton
Drowned World/Subsitute for Love, Madonna
New Beginning, Tracy Chapman
Circle Game, Joni Mitchell
Gold Dust, Tori Amos
